Here's some follow-up thoughts to the previous blog on Ray Boltz:
Was there no one in Ray's life in his 30 years of Christian marriage and ministry that he felt safe enough to confide in?
The concept of accountability is so important in the Church as is building a SAFE place for that accountability. Why is it in the Christian community that we feel that we cannot share our struggles until AFTER we have "victory" and have it all wrapped up in a nice little "testimony" OR until we have been overcome by our sin and discovered? How many times have I heard someone say "Lately I've been going through this horrible temptation but now I'm doing great" and I have wondered how we can build an environment that we feel free to say "I'm struggling NOW with this temptation and I need help, prayer, and support." Ray's story tells us that there are those all around us who really are hurting and struggling but do not feel safe to share those struggles because of the response that they (often rightly) fear will come. So we hide our struggles and do not bear each other's burdens.
I remember a few years ago at District Council that Dick Hardy stood and talked about the struggle that many pastor's have with internet pornography and he mentioned that if you called and talked to him as the HonorBound director that your credentials would not be automatically in jeopardy because he wanted to see ministers get HELP to overcome rather than waiting until it is too late.
While I am not ready to advocate a return to the RCC concept of the "confessional booth" I think creating an environment where confession is taken seriously and people then receive loving accountability and the healing that the church CAN offer is a worthy goal- when we don't know the struggle it is difficult to help.
Any thoughts?
After all...we're all in this together!
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I received the following via email from Kathy Wenig with some info about availability of help for ministers struggling with issues (at least in the Iowa Ministry Network):
ReplyDeleteThanks Ruthie, how nice that you included Virginia in your thoughts. I will show it to Norm. I also wanted you to know that pastors do have a place to discuss any issue without having their credentials in automatic jeopardy. This has been in place for at least the past six years - and is called "Project Hope", or maybe the " Hope Project" I don't remember which it is. All pastors have been given a booklet describing this project (on pornography) and Norm always has them available at district council for anyone who would like one. Norm, as pastoral care person. is the one pastors may contact. All calls to him are confidential. The guidelines are made very clear in the booklet so all pastors understand how this works.
Good info to pass on! You can find Norm Wenig's contact info at www.idcaog.org
Your question really spoke to me. "Why was there no one in Ray's life ...that he felt safe enought to confide in?"
ReplyDeleteHi Ruthie - thanks again for a wonderful post. I never realized until entering MAPS two years ago just how lonely being a minister can be. I thank God for the few truly close (aka "real with each other") friends He has given me.
ReplyDeleteJust tonight I called Pastor Jane at First Penn needing some advice about some work issues and not realizing until I'd talked with her that they are really "woman minister" issues that all of us women in ministry face.
There is getting to be more focus within ministry circles now on the specific issues that male pastors face, but it seems very few recognize or acknowledge the unique struggles faced by female pastors. I thank God for inspiring women such as yourself and Pastor Jane that prove that even though things get tough at times, God can make it all work out and does desire to work through women in ministry. God bless you!
I think many people don't divulge their intimate struggles due to fear. Fear of rejection, fear of it becoming public and fear of letting down those that look up to them. Then satan uses that fear to oppress them further until they finally break and can't take it anymore. Finding someone trustworthy to confide in can be difficult. We live in such an information age and information can be distributed and distorted so widely and quickly at the drop of a hat. It's not like we're Laura Ingels and have to travel 3 miles down the road to tell someone something. Several professions such as; medicine, law, religion, professional psychology, journalism, and others have to adhere to strict confidentiality guidelines. Does the church have confidentiality guidelines within it's body?
ReplyDeleteIt is so great to hear about "Project Hope." What a wonderful organization for our Pastors!
The Grassau's LOVE their Pastors!
"Does the church have confidentiality guidelines within its body?"
ReplyDeleteWOW, Shelly...now THAT'S a question to think about. How often do "prayer requests" turn into gossip fodder? And this is one of the reasons why it is so hard for people to feel open enough to share...in the RCC the confessional booth is so sacred that a priest has immunity from testifying about things he hears in there.
As for "professional guidelines" in the clergy: mandatory reporter training for pastors teaches that things that we learn in a professional capacity are confidential UNLESS the confessee is a minor and there has been a law broken.
Issues of sexual sin have been a real burden for me. Unfortunately the church is NOT a safe place for someone to deal with this. There is the fear of gossip, the fear of judgement, the fear of losing leadership positions.
ReplyDeleteStatistics say that conservatively 40% of men IN THE CHURCH struggle with internet pornography. Then he feels trapped. He hates his sin, he hates himself, and he fears the consequences should his sin become public. He desperately wants help, but finds no safe place in the church to deal with it, even though he knows he needs it.
Fortunately there are some parachurch ministries that can help. XXXChurch.com, Pure Life Ministries, Pink Cross Foundation and others.
It is a shame that the church appears to place such a stigma on sexual sins to such a high level over all others. If someone were dealing with anger, gossip, sloth, or pride, then the church will embrace them with open arms. I wish that it was the same for those struggling with pornography, homosexuality, infidelity, or fornication.
When I think of Jimmy Swaggart, the sexual sin was such a minor thing in the situation. What brought him down was the hubris.
I can only pray that Ray Boltz finds the truth and that we won't ostracize him.
I agree with you, Mike. We have established a hierarchy of sins...some struggles are OK and some aren't. While temporal consequences of some sins may be greater than others, James makes it clear that to offend in one point is to offend in all, thus agreeing with Paul on the "all have sinned" issue whether it is sloth or sexual perversion.
ReplyDeleteMy son and I were discussing the concept of hubris recently while reading through Homer together. I never applied that thought to the Swaggart scandal but now that you mention it...I think that really was what exasperated the whole situation.