Recently I did a series of status updates on my Facebook entitled “Countdown to Valentine’s Day: Things I Love about My Husband.” Each day I posted something that I appreciate about Shawn and shared it with my friends on the site.
Early into the “countdown” one of the young girls that I meet with for mentoring mentioned to me that it was a little creepy to see married people flirting with each other. She said that it seemed normal to see her single friends posting flirty, or even downright suggestive, comments to each other but, somehow, it seemed wrong for married people. After all, once you’re married isn’t all of that kind of nonsense supposed to stop? You need to get on to the serious business of life – like jobs, mortgages, children, and in-law arguments. If marriage were any fun, “Sex and the City” would not have been about single people, right?
So, here’s my thoughts on “The Top Five Reasons I Flirt (with my husband) on Facebook.”
5. It is a protection for the purity of my marriage. Facebook has come under a lot of fire (and rightfully so) as being a tool for adulterous affairs. The last three court cases I attended regarding family issues included evidence presented from facebook posts. Because of the inherent dangers in this social media site I feel that it is important that I make it clear to those I communicate with that I am a married woman…and a happily married one, at that. Speaking positively about and to my husband, publicly, is one way to make sure there is a “Not Available’ sign on my wall.
4. I want my children to see that their family is secure because their parents are secure. Too many children grow up under the consistent fear that the foundation of their home – their parent’s marriage – is hanging by a tenuous thread. Shawn and I have tried to make sure that they see a healthy and playful interaction between their parents so that they can bypass the all too common anxiety of the divorce culture and can go freely about the business of simply growing up. Besides, I want my kids to know what a good marriage looks like so they can avoid a bad one. When my girls marry I want them to know how to treat a man because of what they saw at home.
3. I want to leave the next generation with the message that marriage is a GOOD thing. We are raising kids in a culture that has caused so many to discount marriage altogether. What many have seen of marriage has caused them to want to avoid it rather than anticipate it. Television, movies, and music all make romance seem so steamy and exciting – for singles. But married people? They argue, cheat on each other, are usually sexually frustrated….and downright boring. We send them a message that says marriage is NOT worth waiting for…single people have all the fun. That’s a dangerous message and I want my marriage to show that two people can marry, have children, jobs, mortgages, and two decades of sleeping with the same person and still love it!
2. I want my church congregation to know that their pastors have a healthy marriage. Far too many churches have been devastated by pastoral marital failures and when one pastor fails it makes congregants wonder if all is well in their own church parsonage. Publicly enjoying my marriage can help to quench that fear, and it models to couples in our church the value of the sanctity of marriage. It also reminds our church friends that we are just a regular man and woman on this journey of life along with them. We really don’t live in a monastery; we can identify with all of the joys and struggles that every couple goes through.
And the number one reason I flirt with my husband….
1. My husband likes it. As women we must remember that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach; it is through his ego. Men love to hear that they are needed, respected, valued, and desirable...and they like it when their woman says publicly “I’m proud of my man.” I don’t want one of those marriages where you just co-exist until you die. I want to enjoy my man…and I want him to enjoy me.
So there you have it, my dear young friend. In a world with a 50% divorce rate, and public figures from Hollywood to Washington, DC publicly scandalizing lifelong monogamous commitment, one of my goals is to show your generation that marriage really is still not only doable but enjoyable.
