Since part of my job with the State of Iowa is to try to "hook up" children with families who will help to meet their needs, I LOVE stories about adoption!
I met a family at Adoption Day this year who has now adopted six wonderful children. Now, honestly, most people would not have said these children were wonderful at first glance. They came with some BIG issues! But to talk to this mom and dad for just a few minutes and you would really believe that these are the most wonderful children in the world.
I have another friend who recently adopted a 16 year old girl, "B." B. has been in more group homes than any law ought to allow and hit her 15th birthday with no family and no where to go. Once you hit your teens your chances of adoption are close to nil. I am so glad that now, when B. graduates next year she will launch out into life knowing that there are people that she can always come home to!
Adoption is not easy...with our birth children at least we know that most of their "issues" are issues we have helped them develop! LOL With adoption, especially adoptions out of the foster care system, you take into your home and heart not only a child but their past, good and bad, and show them the love only a parent can give.
My favorite adoption story of all is that when Jesus saw me with all my behavioral management issues (ie, sin), and my family of origin issues (ie, original and generational sin), He still stood before the Judge and said, loudly and proudly for all to hear, "I want Ruthie to be my daughter and be part of my forever family." To top it all off, He has never treated me as anything less than a natural born child! Not too shabby for somebody with all my "issues."
Friday, December 19, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
One of those forwarded quizzes...Tis the Season!
| I got this from my friend, Wanda, to fill out. I almost never do these things because they usually promise me that if I will do it that I will meet my true love by Friday and if I don't I will die a horrible death by next Tuesday. (really...no joke..."we knew this boy in Indiana who didn't forward it and was found under his bed killed by a clown doll"...whatever.) But I figured this would be a good way to begin the holiday season...so here is "the forward quiz" Welcome to the Christmas edition of getting to know your friends. Okay, here's what you're supposed to do, and try not to be a SCROOGE!!! Just copy (not forward) this entire email and paste into a new e-mail that
4. When do you take the tree down? The day after Epiphany
5. Do you like eggnog? I cannot convince myself to drink something with raw eggs…sorry.
9.Do you have a nativity scene? Have several…my favorite one is a toy set that we got when the kids were little…Erik chewed off one of the shepherd’s feet but it’s still a treasure
12.Christmas Movie? It’s A Wonderful Life (Christmas Story is a close runner-up…I love the part where Ralphie goes to see Santa)
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? The day after Christmas when all the stuff is on clearance
16. Lights: Clear or Multicolored? I like the kind that work the first time you put them up
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? People corrupting other people’s children by sending them Christmas music BEFORE Thanksgiving (you know who you are!!!)
23. Favorite ornament, theme, or color? Angels…and the homemade ones my kids make
|
Ruthie o
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Leadership Lessons from the Recent Presidential Process
I have been involved in a Leadership Summit group since July with my work with Lutheran Services. I've been thinking about some of the things that we are learning as we study "The Leadership Challenge" and how it relates to what we've been watching over the past few months in the presidential race. I don't usually comment much on politics but here are some observations (with thanks to some thoughts from Kevin Eikenberry's leadership principles):
1. Development of future leaders must become a priority of any organization. Anybody who has studied leadership knows that this is fundamental. And yet...each time another election rolls around both of our national parties seems to struggle to produce one leader that unites the party from the beginning. Instead, we see a large group of small fish fighting over who gets to be the big fish in the pond.
2. For any organization to truly succeed its members must be "on the same page...at the same time." We have talked about how our country is divided and yet our two parties seem to be as divided as our country. As an Independent, I watched the two major parties produce candidates that tore each other apart and then, after the nomination was sealed, tried to convince me that "this person (whom I publicly tore to pieces last week) is now the best hope for our country." If any other organization ran its business like that it would lose the trust of its customer base very quickly. True leaders recognize that the competition is not internal...it is external. Every moment that we spend in hostile competition with our colleagues is a moment that remains undevoted to the true purpose of the existence of the organization. In my area of work with non-profits and churches, this is an area that is causing us as much damage as it did our political parties.
3. Leaders know that they must create safe opportunities for people to practice, grow and to fail. I have come to admire Sarah Palin over the past few months. Here was a lady with definite strengths in public speaking and presentation; yet many felt that she did not seem to have been adequately prepared for someone like Katie Couric. There were discussions, at least in the media, that the RNC was considering not letting Sarah take on engagements that would not portray her in the best light. Nonsense! If you have placed someone in that position you must be willing to give them the tools and the opportunities to grow into that position and create an atmosphere where there is safety, even in failure. Unfortunately, our country does not seem willing to allow people to spread their wings...and then fall. We have created a culture of vultures circling the skies waiting for their next meal. Personally, I liked Ms. Palin very much and thought she added to McCain's ticket.
4. Leaders know that the success of their vision for their organization is more valuable than their own personal success. This is an area that I think George W. Bush did well during this process. He knew that his own unpopularity made him a possible detriment to his party's candidate; and therefore, he went about doing his job as president and didn't spend an inordinate amount of time on the campaign trail. There comes a time for us as leaders that we must realize that a part of our job is to train someone else to be ready to take our job...and to know how to graciously turn over the reins. There are some who will hold on to their own power so long that they become an embarrasment and a detriment to the vision of their organization.
I am praying that, as I seek to develop my own leadership abilities so that I can influence people to grow in grace and truth, that I will learn from those around me...in the areas where we do well and in the areas where we still have need of improvement.
Until Heaven...we're all in this together!
1. Development of future leaders must become a priority of any organization. Anybody who has studied leadership knows that this is fundamental. And yet...each time another election rolls around both of our national parties seems to struggle to produce one leader that unites the party from the beginning. Instead, we see a large group of small fish fighting over who gets to be the big fish in the pond.
2. For any organization to truly succeed its members must be "on the same page...at the same time." We have talked about how our country is divided and yet our two parties seem to be as divided as our country. As an Independent, I watched the two major parties produce candidates that tore each other apart and then, after the nomination was sealed, tried to convince me that "this person (whom I publicly tore to pieces last week) is now the best hope for our country." If any other organization ran its business like that it would lose the trust of its customer base very quickly. True leaders recognize that the competition is not internal...it is external. Every moment that we spend in hostile competition with our colleagues is a moment that remains undevoted to the true purpose of the existence of the organization. In my area of work with non-profits and churches, this is an area that is causing us as much damage as it did our political parties.
3. Leaders know that they must create safe opportunities for people to practice, grow and to fail. I have come to admire Sarah Palin over the past few months. Here was a lady with definite strengths in public speaking and presentation; yet many felt that she did not seem to have been adequately prepared for someone like Katie Couric. There were discussions, at least in the media, that the RNC was considering not letting Sarah take on engagements that would not portray her in the best light. Nonsense! If you have placed someone in that position you must be willing to give them the tools and the opportunities to grow into that position and create an atmosphere where there is safety, even in failure. Unfortunately, our country does not seem willing to allow people to spread their wings...and then fall. We have created a culture of vultures circling the skies waiting for their next meal. Personally, I liked Ms. Palin very much and thought she added to McCain's ticket.
4. Leaders know that the success of their vision for their organization is more valuable than their own personal success. This is an area that I think George W. Bush did well during this process. He knew that his own unpopularity made him a possible detriment to his party's candidate; and therefore, he went about doing his job as president and didn't spend an inordinate amount of time on the campaign trail. There comes a time for us as leaders that we must realize that a part of our job is to train someone else to be ready to take our job...and to know how to graciously turn over the reins. There are some who will hold on to their own power so long that they become an embarrasment and a detriment to the vision of their organization.
I am praying that, as I seek to develop my own leadership abilities so that I can influence people to grow in grace and truth, that I will learn from those around me...in the areas where we do well and in the areas where we still have need of improvement.
Until Heaven...we're all in this together!
Monday, November 10, 2008
bittersweet thoughts
What a time it has been since I last posted! I have spent the last week fighting a bronchial infection and finally gave up the fight last Thursday and just went to bed! Now I'm back up...but something happens to a house when momma is down...so there's plenty of work to do!
The election has come and gone. Come next January we will have a new president. According to Scripture, we are to pray for those in authority and show respect for their office. Let's do that whether we voted for him or not. I cannot imagine filling that office at this time in history. The Bible tells me that the heart of the king is in the hands of God and I will trust that.
Today is a bit of a bittersweet day - little V who has lived with us since he was 8 months old is leaving for his adoptive home. This is a good thing since he will be able to be with a forever family and they are also taking his older sister who is 5 so that they will stay together. HOORAY! He is such a precious little fellow that he will be a blessing to their family even though he has developed in to a VERY active toddler.
But it is bittersweet for our family...especially my girls who have become very attached to him. We come into foster care knowing that the vision that God has given us with this ministry is to strengthen families who may be struggling and assist them in growing into a more healthy family unit. In doing this, I really like to get to know the birth families and spend time with them. After all, our community is only as strong as its families.
But sometimes, as in V's case, things don't work out for him to go home. I am thankful that there are those families who are willing to open their hearts and homes to children in crises and give them that forever family.
We all work together in this system: foster families who provide a family setting for children and work to get them back home and families who commit to raising those children when they don't go back.
Either way it is an adventure...I thank God for the opportunity that He has given me to reach into the lives of the children in my community...even though sometimes it is bittersweet!
Hang in there! We're all in this together!
The election has come and gone. Come next January we will have a new president. According to Scripture, we are to pray for those in authority and show respect for their office. Let's do that whether we voted for him or not. I cannot imagine filling that office at this time in history. The Bible tells me that the heart of the king is in the hands of God and I will trust that.
Today is a bit of a bittersweet day - little V who has lived with us since he was 8 months old is leaving for his adoptive home. This is a good thing since he will be able to be with a forever family and they are also taking his older sister who is 5 so that they will stay together. HOORAY! He is such a precious little fellow that he will be a blessing to their family even though he has developed in to a VERY active toddler.
But it is bittersweet for our family...especially my girls who have become very attached to him. We come into foster care knowing that the vision that God has given us with this ministry is to strengthen families who may be struggling and assist them in growing into a more healthy family unit. In doing this, I really like to get to know the birth families and spend time with them. After all, our community is only as strong as its families.
But sometimes, as in V's case, things don't work out for him to go home. I am thankful that there are those families who are willing to open their hearts and homes to children in crises and give them that forever family.
We all work together in this system: foster families who provide a family setting for children and work to get them back home and families who commit to raising those children when they don't go back.
Either way it is an adventure...I thank God for the opportunity that He has given me to reach into the lives of the children in my community...even though sometimes it is bittersweet!
Hang in there! We're all in this together!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Man jumps off bridge; leaves note for Obama
Allright - I think today's post will be a rant:
I try to keep up with some of the happenings in my home state of Texas...and this one is just sad.
Yesterday (October 31, 2008) a 52 year old man jumped off the "Spaghetti Bowl" (this is a place where several highway interchanges meet and they usually stack up over each other) in El Paso and left behind a note to Barack Obama saying "Obama - Please take care of my family."
I don't know anything about this man (his name hasn't even been released), nor do I normally comment on things like this because of the pain that people are experiencing at the time. Typically prayer and support are the order of the day and I truly hope that this family is receiving that. I have buried family members who died at their own hand and I know the pain, confusion and guilt that it brings so please don't write me that I have no compassion.
But here's where this story frustrates me: What a sad day when a husband and father feels so lost and incapable that he feels free to remove himself from the lives of his wife and children and turn them over to the care of big government. Is this the end result thinking of socialism - "I refuse to take responsibility for my family - that's why the government exists." Here's a thought: It's NOT the government's responsibility to take care of our families - that responsibility belongs to us. It doesn't take a village to raise a child - it takes a family. The thing that we see across our country that so scares and saddens me is that many of our moms and dads are willing to stop doing what moms and dads need to do and capitulate that responsibility to someone else.
Yes, sometimes we need other people to help us out in hard times but I know that as a mom when it comes to the care of my family "The Buck Stops Here." This is my home, my husband, and my kids...and it's my job to take care of them to the best of my ability and with the help of God.
Just my two-cents worth.
I try to keep up with some of the happenings in my home state of Texas...and this one is just sad.
Yesterday (October 31, 2008) a 52 year old man jumped off the "Spaghetti Bowl" (this is a place where several highway interchanges meet and they usually stack up over each other) in El Paso and left behind a note to Barack Obama saying "Obama - Please take care of my family."
I don't know anything about this man (his name hasn't even been released), nor do I normally comment on things like this because of the pain that people are experiencing at the time. Typically prayer and support are the order of the day and I truly hope that this family is receiving that. I have buried family members who died at their own hand and I know the pain, confusion and guilt that it brings so please don't write me that I have no compassion.
But here's where this story frustrates me: What a sad day when a husband and father feels so lost and incapable that he feels free to remove himself from the lives of his wife and children and turn them over to the care of big government. Is this the end result thinking of socialism - "I refuse to take responsibility for my family - that's why the government exists." Here's a thought: It's NOT the government's responsibility to take care of our families - that responsibility belongs to us. It doesn't take a village to raise a child - it takes a family. The thing that we see across our country that so scares and saddens me is that many of our moms and dads are willing to stop doing what moms and dads need to do and capitulate that responsibility to someone else.
Yes, sometimes we need other people to help us out in hard times but I know that as a mom when it comes to the care of my family "The Buck Stops Here." This is my home, my husband, and my kids...and it's my job to take care of them to the best of my ability and with the help of God.
Just my two-cents worth.
Friday, October 31, 2008
new blog
Since this blog is connected to the church website and so, therefore, I feel like most of the time it really should have some sort of "point" to it I am creating another blog called personal ramblings for just the keeping up with life sort of stuff.
You can find it from this blog by clicking on my profile pic and it will take you to where you can find the other one.
http://ruthiesramblings2.blogspot.com/
Thanks! We're all in this together!
You can find it from this blog by clicking on my profile pic and it will take you to where you can find the other one.
http://ruthiesramblings2.blogspot.com/
Thanks! We're all in this together!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Mom comes to visit
Wow...it's been so long since I've written. I think at least two weeks or something like that.
My mom came to visit over the past week. There is enough material in that to fill up a month's worth of blogs. I think today I will just let thoughts flow and see where we end up. So don't expect any great point to this one... LOL
I never would have dreamed that Mom would come here. Her health has prevented it and the doctor wasn't real keen on the idea but my mother is as stubborn as they come and once she gets it in her mind to do something she will do it regardless of what wisdom or anyone else would say.
She had a few things that she wanted to get done before she dies. She had a terminal diagnosis about 4 years ago (6 months, or less, they said). She decided to get everything ready to die - which we did. Then once it was all done she decided she might as well keep living. Go figure.
Mom left me and Dad when I was 11 years old. She had never been quite mentally stable - consistent struggles with depression and anger. Her mother abandoned her when she was a baby and she never quite got over that. Her mother was not a stable person either.
It's hard to know, emotionally, just how to feel about my mom. She wasn't a bad mom at all when she was around. She was actually pretty good at it; I really don't have any bad memories of my childhood relationship with my mother (other than that she was a yeller). But she just wasn't there during so many times that I needed her that the bond really did suffer. I cried myself to sleep so many nights as a teenager - really needing a mom. I know she would liked to have been there - and perhaps would have given anything she had at that point to be there - but the fact remains that due to choices and circumstances she just wasn't there.
I'm not sure which of us felt more pain in that situation - me or her. I know that now, as a mom, I would be devastated to be kept away from my daughters when they needed me, even if I had made bad choices.
I think I'll continue the saga of mom's visit over the next few days. I felt so many different emotions over the past week- joy, pride, sorrow, anger, frustration, confusion, laughter...
It will be interesting to sort through it all!
My mom came to visit over the past week. There is enough material in that to fill up a month's worth of blogs. I think today I will just let thoughts flow and see where we end up. So don't expect any great point to this one... LOL
I never would have dreamed that Mom would come here. Her health has prevented it and the doctor wasn't real keen on the idea but my mother is as stubborn as they come and once she gets it in her mind to do something she will do it regardless of what wisdom or anyone else would say.
She had a few things that she wanted to get done before she dies. She had a terminal diagnosis about 4 years ago (6 months, or less, they said). She decided to get everything ready to die - which we did. Then once it was all done she decided she might as well keep living. Go figure.
Mom left me and Dad when I was 11 years old. She had never been quite mentally stable - consistent struggles with depression and anger. Her mother abandoned her when she was a baby and she never quite got over that. Her mother was not a stable person either.
It's hard to know, emotionally, just how to feel about my mom. She wasn't a bad mom at all when she was around. She was actually pretty good at it; I really don't have any bad memories of my childhood relationship with my mother (other than that she was a yeller). But she just wasn't there during so many times that I needed her that the bond really did suffer. I cried myself to sleep so many nights as a teenager - really needing a mom. I know she would liked to have been there - and perhaps would have given anything she had at that point to be there - but the fact remains that due to choices and circumstances she just wasn't there.
I'm not sure which of us felt more pain in that situation - me or her. I know that now, as a mom, I would be devastated to be kept away from my daughters when they needed me, even if I had made bad choices.
I think I'll continue the saga of mom's visit over the next few days. I felt so many different emotions over the past week- joy, pride, sorrow, anger, frustration, confusion, laughter...
It will be interesting to sort through it all!
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Life in the fast lane...
The Eagles used to sing (or maybe they still do?) that "life in the fast lane will slowly make you lose your mind."
It has sure felt like I've been living and driving in that fast lane lately. It seems like I am constantly in the car driving someone somewhere...BUT life is fixing to change forever! As of this coming weekend I should have another driver in the household! YES!!!!!! Erik gets his license this week!!! Great rejoicing!
Some parents dread this moment but I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Another driver to do errands, take siblings to the hundreds of activities they seem to get themselves involved in, make some of the school runs...etc.
I would love to hear from other people who have had a new driver in the house - what was your experience? Good, bad, or indifferent? Do you stay up at night worrying or are you breathing a sigh of relief that they are growing up? Am I kidding myself that this is a momentous moment of joy?
Corrie is already doing a lot of driving with her permit but I have to be with her. In a few days, Erik will be on his own. Watch out, Council Bluffs...here he comes! And I, for one, am proud of him and think he'll do a great job.
(Speaking of job - he better get one to pay for the insurance. YIKES! Good thing he's got good grades!)
It has sure felt like I've been living and driving in that fast lane lately. It seems like I am constantly in the car driving someone somewhere...BUT life is fixing to change forever! As of this coming weekend I should have another driver in the household! YES!!!!!! Erik gets his license this week!!! Great rejoicing!
Some parents dread this moment but I have been looking forward to it for a long time. Another driver to do errands, take siblings to the hundreds of activities they seem to get themselves involved in, make some of the school runs...etc.
I would love to hear from other people who have had a new driver in the house - what was your experience? Good, bad, or indifferent? Do you stay up at night worrying or are you breathing a sigh of relief that they are growing up? Am I kidding myself that this is a momentous moment of joy?
Corrie is already doing a lot of driving with her permit but I have to be with her. In a few days, Erik will be on his own. Watch out, Council Bluffs...here he comes! And I, for one, am proud of him and think he'll do a great job.
(Speaking of job - he better get one to pay for the insurance. YIKES! Good thing he's got good grades!)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
A wolf and his pack
One of the neat things about being involved with the kids education is that I am reading, re-reading, and finally reading some great literature. I came across this line in Kipling's The Law of the Jungle just this morning:
Now this is the Law of the Jungle -- as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back --
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
I've been thinking this morning about the many ways this applies to my family, my church, my job, especially this particular thought: when one suffers we all suffer; when one is successful we all are successful.
The scriptures tell us to"bear one anothers burdens, and in so doing, fulfill the Law of Christ." Sounds pretty close to Kipling's observation of the natural order of the Law of the Jungle.
Lord, help me today to remember the importance of each individual in my "pack" and help me as an individual to so do my part to make my "pack" a bastion of strength in this jungle in which we are living.
Thanks, Rudyard, for a great quote!
We're all in this together!
Now this is the Law of the Jungle -- as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdles the tree-trunk the Law runneth forward and back --
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.
I've been thinking this morning about the many ways this applies to my family, my church, my job, especially this particular thought: when one suffers we all suffer; when one is successful we all are successful.
The scriptures tell us to"bear one anothers burdens, and in so doing, fulfill the Law of Christ." Sounds pretty close to Kipling's observation of the natural order of the Law of the Jungle.
Lord, help me today to remember the importance of each individual in my "pack" and help me as an individual to so do my part to make my "pack" a bastion of strength in this jungle in which we are living.
Thanks, Rudyard, for a great quote!
We're all in this together!
Friday, October 3, 2008
...rest...
Something has just occurred to me as I returned home after teaching my first period class and then rushing to speak to a group of women at the United Methodist church here in town...I sat down on the couch and realized that I have NOTHING pressing on the schedule for the next 48 hours! Outside of a small presentation (that won't require much prep) Sunday afternoon at the Nazarene church, I AM FREE!
So what shall I do with my time? ...well, I did call a friend who is struggling physically (she goes back to the Dr. on Tuesday and they have mentioned the "C" word: chemo) and she has just found that her daughter - who has very thick hair - has head lice. So I'll spend a few hours "nit-picking" tomorrow for my precious friend who has helped me out in many pinches...make a few phone calls to some people that I have been meaning to get back to and check up on how they are doing...and probably attend the HomeBuilders hayride at Russ and Courtney's folks' house...and tonight I might even finish that movie that I've been working on for the past few weeks ( I just can't seem to stay awake long enough to finish!!!)
I don't even have to prepare for Sunday School!!!
Just some time to spend with the family...
"Thank you, Lord, for these occasional breaks in the schedule! You know when I need them!"
So what shall I do with my time? ...well, I did call a friend who is struggling physically (she goes back to the Dr. on Tuesday and they have mentioned the "C" word: chemo) and she has just found that her daughter - who has very thick hair - has head lice. So I'll spend a few hours "nit-picking" tomorrow for my precious friend who has helped me out in many pinches...make a few phone calls to some people that I have been meaning to get back to and check up on how they are doing...and probably attend the HomeBuilders hayride at Russ and Courtney's folks' house...and tonight I might even finish that movie that I've been working on for the past few weeks ( I just can't seem to stay awake long enough to finish!!!)
I don't even have to prepare for Sunday School!!!
Just some time to spend with the family...
"Thank you, Lord, for these occasional breaks in the schedule! You know when I need them!"
Monday, September 29, 2008
I Have Grounds for Divorce!!!
Next May marks 20 years of marriage for me...and for my husband, too, because this was the first marriage for both of us. We went about it in a strange way. Neither of us had been married before, neither of us had any children, and we decided that May 5, 1989 would be the first time we would "sleep together." We didn't have any testing for disease and we were not smart enough to do background checks on each other. We also didn't draft a pre-nuptial agreement. Certainly, by society's standards, we were not very smart. There were so many ways that we didn't "check each other out" before walking down the aisle at Oak Grove Assembly of God in Springfield, MO. It could have been a disaster.
Now after 20 years of marriage and three children together, I realize that I have legal grounds for divorce. Would you believe that after all this time and experience I have discovered that my marriage has a terminal disease: irreconcilable differences! If only I had known 20 years ago that there would be differences between Shawn and I that we would not be able to be overcome! I could have looked a little longer and harder and found someone...well... just like me!
This was, after all, a mixed marriage. He is a Yankee and I am a Southerner. This alone should have given me pause. He wants to eat bratwurst rather than brisket and he grew up listening to The Beatles rather than Johnny Cash. I can't stand to be late and he thinks the clock on the wall is for "decorative purposes only." He is a very disciplined morning riser and I hide under the covers and press "snooze" far more than any reasonable person should.
He would rather watch a football game than read a good novel and prefers the temperature of the house and car to be somewhat comparable to the polar bear exhibit at the zoo. The differences in our personalities have caused more than one person to ask, "How in the world did the two of you ever get together?"
More important is the question, "How have we STAYED together?" At least four major things have kept us together, regardless of our different likes, dislikes, and personalities:
1. Core values have been developed together: parenting, money management, spiritual values, etc
2. Compromise on the inconsequential things and working slowly through those things that carry bigger consequences...and willingness to ask for help
3. Learning to enjoy new things...and even tolerate (without complaining) a few things that we just can't learn to like
4. Understand that variety is the spice of life and allow each other freedom to enjoy things that the other may not care for...but keeping most of the enjoyment in life focused on the things we can do together
We're making enough progress that we won't be using those legal grounds for divorce any time soon...he's learned to love PBS and, just the other day, I ate a bratwurst without complaint. Have there been times when the only thing that kept us together was sheer commitment to vows? Sure! But those times come and go...the core values that have kept us together - faithfulness, honesty, and forgiveness - have stayed steady.
If you're in a marriage and feeling "incompatible," take a deep breath and begin to look for the blessings in your incompatibility. They are there - just sometimes hidden under all the junk life throws on us. Build on your strengths together, acknowledge and work through your needs, and realize that while society says that incompatibility is grounds for divorce God can make it grounds for a great marriage!
I love you, Frog!!!
Now after 20 years of marriage and three children together, I realize that I have legal grounds for divorce. Would you believe that after all this time and experience I have discovered that my marriage has a terminal disease: irreconcilable differences! If only I had known 20 years ago that there would be differences between Shawn and I that we would not be able to be overcome! I could have looked a little longer and harder and found someone...well... just like me!
This was, after all, a mixed marriage. He is a Yankee and I am a Southerner. This alone should have given me pause. He wants to eat bratwurst rather than brisket and he grew up listening to The Beatles rather than Johnny Cash. I can't stand to be late and he thinks the clock on the wall is for "decorative purposes only." He is a very disciplined morning riser and I hide under the covers and press "snooze" far more than any reasonable person should.
He would rather watch a football game than read a good novel and prefers the temperature of the house and car to be somewhat comparable to the polar bear exhibit at the zoo. The differences in our personalities have caused more than one person to ask, "How in the world did the two of you ever get together?"
More important is the question, "How have we STAYED together?" At least four major things have kept us together, regardless of our different likes, dislikes, and personalities:
1. Core values have been developed together: parenting, money management, spiritual values, etc
2. Compromise on the inconsequential things and working slowly through those things that carry bigger consequences...and willingness to ask for help
3. Learning to enjoy new things...and even tolerate (without complaining) a few things that we just can't learn to like
4. Understand that variety is the spice of life and allow each other freedom to enjoy things that the other may not care for...but keeping most of the enjoyment in life focused on the things we can do together
We're making enough progress that we won't be using those legal grounds for divorce any time soon...he's learned to love PBS and, just the other day, I ate a bratwurst without complaint. Have there been times when the only thing that kept us together was sheer commitment to vows? Sure! But those times come and go...the core values that have kept us together - faithfulness, honesty, and forgiveness - have stayed steady.
If you're in a marriage and feeling "incompatible," take a deep breath and begin to look for the blessings in your incompatibility. They are there - just sometimes hidden under all the junk life throws on us. Build on your strengths together, acknowledge and work through your needs, and realize that while society says that incompatibility is grounds for divorce God can make it grounds for a great marriage!
I love you, Frog!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Thoughts on Erik's Birthday - He's 17!
He's upstairs conjugating Latin verbs...and I am thinking about how my life has changed over 17 years of parenting this gift of God that is my son, and how life will be changing again now that he is beginning to move into adulthood.
We gave him his dad's '99 Oldsmobile for his birthday - along with a gift certificate for "mechanic lessons" from Brent Stokes...and Folio Society's Tolkien collection. All in all, not a bad haul for a 17 year old.
One more year and society will dub him "adult." Am I ready for that? More importantly, is HE ready for that? There are so many things I want to "cram" in to the next few months...and yet, he is at that place in life where most of the valuable lessons have already been taught, he must now learn to apply them. I've tried to teach him the important things, such as "money is closely connected with sweat," "God may look on the heart, but man looks on the outward appearance so GET A HAIRCUT," "inner discipline will take you farther than natural talent," and "choose a woman that you would want your daughter to emulate...because she will," and so many other little life lessons.
Yet as important as knowledge is it will not serve him well if it doesn't translate into wisdom. That is what I have prayed for 17 years: "God, give this young man wisdom and discernment." Knowledge is useless if he doesn't know how to apply it to life...that is where wisdom comes in.
There's a passage in the Bible that I have come back to many times as a mom. Exodus 2:2-4 talks about Moses' mother who "...gave birth to a son and when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him...but when she saw that she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with protection and placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the Nile, then...stood at a distance to see what would happen to him."
This has been what I have tried to do as a mom. Through these early years I have tried to protect him from the things that would seek to destroy him. But there comes a time when we can "hide" them from those things no longer. So we make preparation for their success outside of our care...we build a basket of the things that God has provided for us - love, education, discipline, prayer, training in righteousness - and then at the right time we place them into the river of life and watch from a distance to see how things turn out.
I am sure Moses' mother was much more aware of the dangers in the Nile River than little Moses was. There were scary animals and scary people who would have thought nothing of tearing this little baby to shreds. There was the matter of sustenance and protection from the elements. But she knew that there was God who loved her baby and so she stood back and let God take it from there.
There comes a time in our mothering when we can no longer hide our babies from the scary realities of life so we must place them in the protective coverings we have provided, let them go into the river, and stand back and let their dependence be on God instead of on us.
But I believe that Moses' mama was praying like never before...and so am I.
We gave him his dad's '99 Oldsmobile for his birthday - along with a gift certificate for "mechanic lessons" from Brent Stokes...and Folio Society's Tolkien collection. All in all, not a bad haul for a 17 year old.
One more year and society will dub him "adult." Am I ready for that? More importantly, is HE ready for that? There are so many things I want to "cram" in to the next few months...and yet, he is at that place in life where most of the valuable lessons have already been taught, he must now learn to apply them. I've tried to teach him the important things, such as "money is closely connected with sweat," "God may look on the heart, but man looks on the outward appearance so GET A HAIRCUT," "inner discipline will take you farther than natural talent," and "choose a woman that you would want your daughter to emulate...because she will," and so many other little life lessons.
Yet as important as knowledge is it will not serve him well if it doesn't translate into wisdom. That is what I have prayed for 17 years: "God, give this young man wisdom and discernment." Knowledge is useless if he doesn't know how to apply it to life...that is where wisdom comes in.
There's a passage in the Bible that I have come back to many times as a mom. Exodus 2:2-4 talks about Moses' mother who "...gave birth to a son and when she saw that he was a fine child, she hid him...but when she saw that she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with protection and placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the Nile, then...stood at a distance to see what would happen to him."
This has been what I have tried to do as a mom. Through these early years I have tried to protect him from the things that would seek to destroy him. But there comes a time when we can "hide" them from those things no longer. So we make preparation for their success outside of our care...we build a basket of the things that God has provided for us - love, education, discipline, prayer, training in righteousness - and then at the right time we place them into the river of life and watch from a distance to see how things turn out.
I am sure Moses' mother was much more aware of the dangers in the Nile River than little Moses was. There were scary animals and scary people who would have thought nothing of tearing this little baby to shreds. There was the matter of sustenance and protection from the elements. But she knew that there was God who loved her baby and so she stood back and let God take it from there.
There comes a time in our mothering when we can no longer hide our babies from the scary realities of life so we must place them in the protective coverings we have provided, let them go into the river, and stand back and let their dependence be on God instead of on us.
But I believe that Moses' mama was praying like never before...and so am I.
Friday, September 19, 2008
finding wisdom right in my own backyard
This blogging thing has been so enlightening...and I have only been at it for two days!
As other people are finding the blog they have shared links to their own writings. As I have read some of their posts I have been amazed at the wisdom that is resident within my own circle of friends...Al, Gloria, Russ, Jen, etc. You guys have great writing and communication skills...but what has been most exciting is the practical wisdom I am learning from you!
I think that sometimes, as a pastor/pastor's wife, I get so used to people coming to me for "wisdom" that when I am in need I tend to not know where to turn. My tendency is to head to a library and look for a book or do a "google" search and see what some expert has to say.
What a dunderhead I am! God has given me a great circle of friends...and thanks to the wonders of the internet I am able to contact friends from all over the world! "Lord, remind me of this when I just need an ear or some advice...you have given me such good friends. Teach me to stay in better contact and learn from them."
I'm proud of my circle of friends! We're all in this together!
As other people are finding the blog they have shared links to their own writings. As I have read some of their posts I have been amazed at the wisdom that is resident within my own circle of friends...Al, Gloria, Russ, Jen, etc. You guys have great writing and communication skills...but what has been most exciting is the practical wisdom I am learning from you!
I think that sometimes, as a pastor/pastor's wife, I get so used to people coming to me for "wisdom" that when I am in need I tend to not know where to turn. My tendency is to head to a library and look for a book or do a "google" search and see what some expert has to say.
What a dunderhead I am! God has given me a great circle of friends...and thanks to the wonders of the internet I am able to contact friends from all over the world! "Lord, remind me of this when I just need an ear or some advice...you have given me such good friends. Teach me to stay in better contact and learn from them."
I'm proud of my circle of friends! We're all in this together!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Follow-up thoughts on Ray Boltz blog
Here's some follow-up thoughts to the previous blog on Ray Boltz:
Was there no one in Ray's life in his 30 years of Christian marriage and ministry that he felt safe enough to confide in?
The concept of accountability is so important in the Church as is building a SAFE place for that accountability. Why is it in the Christian community that we feel that we cannot share our struggles until AFTER we have "victory" and have it all wrapped up in a nice little "testimony" OR until we have been overcome by our sin and discovered? How many times have I heard someone say "Lately I've been going through this horrible temptation but now I'm doing great" and I have wondered how we can build an environment that we feel free to say "I'm struggling NOW with this temptation and I need help, prayer, and support." Ray's story tells us that there are those all around us who really are hurting and struggling but do not feel safe to share those struggles because of the response that they (often rightly) fear will come. So we hide our struggles and do not bear each other's burdens.
I remember a few years ago at District Council that Dick Hardy stood and talked about the struggle that many pastor's have with internet pornography and he mentioned that if you called and talked to him as the HonorBound director that your credentials would not be automatically in jeopardy because he wanted to see ministers get HELP to overcome rather than waiting until it is too late.
While I am not ready to advocate a return to the RCC concept of the "confessional booth" I think creating an environment where confession is taken seriously and people then receive loving accountability and the healing that the church CAN offer is a worthy goal- when we don't know the struggle it is difficult to help.
Any thoughts?
After all...we're all in this together!
Was there no one in Ray's life in his 30 years of Christian marriage and ministry that he felt safe enough to confide in?
The concept of accountability is so important in the Church as is building a SAFE place for that accountability. Why is it in the Christian community that we feel that we cannot share our struggles until AFTER we have "victory" and have it all wrapped up in a nice little "testimony" OR until we have been overcome by our sin and discovered? How many times have I heard someone say "Lately I've been going through this horrible temptation but now I'm doing great" and I have wondered how we can build an environment that we feel free to say "I'm struggling NOW with this temptation and I need help, prayer, and support." Ray's story tells us that there are those all around us who really are hurting and struggling but do not feel safe to share those struggles because of the response that they (often rightly) fear will come. So we hide our struggles and do not bear each other's burdens.
I remember a few years ago at District Council that Dick Hardy stood and talked about the struggle that many pastor's have with internet pornography and he mentioned that if you called and talked to him as the HonorBound director that your credentials would not be automatically in jeopardy because he wanted to see ministers get HELP to overcome rather than waiting until it is too late.
While I am not ready to advocate a return to the RCC concept of the "confessional booth" I think creating an environment where confession is taken seriously and people then receive loving accountability and the healing that the church CAN offer is a worthy goal- when we don't know the struggle it is difficult to help.
Any thoughts?
After all...we're all in this together!
A "Boltz" of Lightning on the CCM news front
I remember the first time I heard a Ray Boltz song. I was driving down National in Springfield, MO and the song "Watch the Lamb" played on the radio. I literally got so caught up in the story of the song that I pulled over and finished listening so I could focus on the story. I was close to tears at the end when the song made the final correlation of Jesus as THE Lamb. It is beautiful writing and well presented. I have used the song many times as a "human video" around Good Friday. (On a side note - I did this song for a presbyterian church in LeClaire, IA and they reported to the Quad City Times that "Ruthie Oberg, pastor's wife at First Assembly of God will be doing an interpretive dance at First Presbyterian." Russ Kinney saw it in the paper and called to ask why I was dancing for presbyterians.)
I also remember the incredible feeling of grace as I listened to "The Anchor Holds" sung at Virginia Wenig's funeral several years ago. The lady singing had recently lost her young missionary husband to cancer and she prefaced the song with "I have sung this song many times while standing on the shore to encourage others out in the boat...but lately I have sung this song from within the boat itself and I still find that the anchor holds." Beautiful!
With all that said, I found it interesting to find so much discussion of what place Ray's music should hold in the church now that he has left his wife of 30 years and come out as "a normal gay man." http://washblade.com/2008/9-12/arts/feature/13258.cfm?CFID=17404355&CFTOKEN=75650803
I remember this same discussion when I was at Central Bible College in 1988 when the news of the Jimmy Swaggart debacle hit the airwaves. "Should we play Jimmy's songs on the radio? Has everything that he has ever done now count for nothing?" These are the questions some Christians are asking now about Ray Boltz.
Here's my humble opinion: Truth is Truth and it is not dependent on the lifestyle of the person singing. A song that had a positive truth value 10 years ago still has that same truth value today regardless of who is singing it. If we were to throw out everything that has been written or sung by someone who has later confessed to sin...well, let's throw out half the hymnal, most of our sermons, and certainly the books of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon...there's no real biblical proof that Solomon ever did repent and he pulled some REAL lulu's...(passing his sons through the fire, etc.)
Now all that said, I am one who prefers that the lifestyle of the person singing matches up with what they are singing about. For example, everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE country music. This morning bringing the kids to school I had in a CD of Willie Nelson singing "On the Road Again." A great song for Willie to sing! But, for some reason, I usually press skip when he sings "Amazing Grace." Now I love the song Amazing Grace and I like Willie Nelson but for Amazing Grace to carry meaning for me it helps to know that the person singing it would truly testify to living a life that was "lost but now is found." I don't know that Willie has reached that point in his long life and therefore, the song is just a "good classic gospel song" rather than a testimony of what he has experienced in his own life.
SO...what about Ray Boltz? I'll keep his CD's and still play them and probably still use his songs. They are good songs...but it will be with a tinge of sadness for him and for others like him who feel that the only way to be "themselves" is to pretend that everything is OK when it truly isn't...which it what he says he has been doing for the last 30 years.
What are your thoughts?
Let's pray for each other...we're all in this together!
I also remember the incredible feeling of grace as I listened to "The Anchor Holds" sung at Virginia Wenig's funeral several years ago. The lady singing had recently lost her young missionary husband to cancer and she prefaced the song with "I have sung this song many times while standing on the shore to encourage others out in the boat...but lately I have sung this song from within the boat itself and I still find that the anchor holds." Beautiful!
With all that said, I found it interesting to find so much discussion of what place Ray's music should hold in the church now that he has left his wife of 30 years and come out as "a normal gay man." http://washblade.com/2008/9-12/arts/feature/13258.cfm?CFID=17404355&CFTOKEN=75650803
I remember this same discussion when I was at Central Bible College in 1988 when the news of the Jimmy Swaggart debacle hit the airwaves. "Should we play Jimmy's songs on the radio? Has everything that he has ever done now count for nothing?" These are the questions some Christians are asking now about Ray Boltz.
Here's my humble opinion: Truth is Truth and it is not dependent on the lifestyle of the person singing. A song that had a positive truth value 10 years ago still has that same truth value today regardless of who is singing it. If we were to throw out everything that has been written or sung by someone who has later confessed to sin...well, let's throw out half the hymnal, most of our sermons, and certainly the books of Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and the Song of Solomon...there's no real biblical proof that Solomon ever did repent and he pulled some REAL lulu's...(passing his sons through the fire, etc.)
Now all that said, I am one who prefers that the lifestyle of the person singing matches up with what they are singing about. For example, everyone who knows me knows that I LOVE country music. This morning bringing the kids to school I had in a CD of Willie Nelson singing "On the Road Again." A great song for Willie to sing! But, for some reason, I usually press skip when he sings "Amazing Grace." Now I love the song Amazing Grace and I like Willie Nelson but for Amazing Grace to carry meaning for me it helps to know that the person singing it would truly testify to living a life that was "lost but now is found." I don't know that Willie has reached that point in his long life and therefore, the song is just a "good classic gospel song" rather than a testimony of what he has experienced in his own life.
SO...what about Ray Boltz? I'll keep his CD's and still play them and probably still use his songs. They are good songs...but it will be with a tinge of sadness for him and for others like him who feel that the only way to be "themselves" is to pretend that everything is OK when it truly isn't...which it what he says he has been doing for the last 30 years.
What are your thoughts?
Let's pray for each other...we're all in this together!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
first blog
Well...here goes. I've been meaning to do this for some time (start a blog, that is) but just haven't done it because I'm afraid that I won't be able to keep up with it!
Today has been a rather "blah" day. Just not feeling very good at all. Little V. has been sick and I think passed it on to me. Speaking of V. - he met his adoptive family last Sunday and things seemed to go well. They are willing to take his older sister (she is 5) and seem like a good match. I'm trusting the Lord that this will go well for them. He is so young (15 mos) and needs to be with a "forever family" as soon as possible. There are so many things about foster care that can be difficult!
C. is off to a volleyball game and I am fixing to take E. to Driver's Ed. I will be SO GLAD when I have another driver in the family...not looking forward to the cost but I am looking forward to the help. G. is just hanging around being herself. That's a good thing to be. S. is picking up supper since I feel like a 135 pound cement block.
My plans for this blog are to sometimes be serious, sometimes just journal, and sometimes just random writing. I thought about doing a blog for the church website but I think to start out I will just type my thoughts without having to feel like there is any point to be made. HA HA.
Thanks for listening...we're all in this together!
Today has been a rather "blah" day. Just not feeling very good at all. Little V. has been sick and I think passed it on to me. Speaking of V. - he met his adoptive family last Sunday and things seemed to go well. They are willing to take his older sister (she is 5) and seem like a good match. I'm trusting the Lord that this will go well for them. He is so young (15 mos) and needs to be with a "forever family" as soon as possible. There are so many things about foster care that can be difficult!
C. is off to a volleyball game and I am fixing to take E. to Driver's Ed. I will be SO GLAD when I have another driver in the family...not looking forward to the cost but I am looking forward to the help. G. is just hanging around being herself. That's a good thing to be. S. is picking up supper since I feel like a 135 pound cement block.
My plans for this blog are to sometimes be serious, sometimes just journal, and sometimes just random writing. I thought about doing a blog for the church website but I think to start out I will just type my thoughts without having to feel like there is any point to be made. HA HA.
Thanks for listening...we're all in this together!
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