Wow...it's been so long since I've written. I think at least two weeks or something like that.
My mom came to visit over the past week. There is enough material in that to fill up a month's worth of blogs. I think today I will just let thoughts flow and see where we end up. So don't expect any great point to this one... LOL
I never would have dreamed that Mom would come here. Her health has prevented it and the doctor wasn't real keen on the idea but my mother is as stubborn as they come and once she gets it in her mind to do something she will do it regardless of what wisdom or anyone else would say.
She had a few things that she wanted to get done before she dies. She had a terminal diagnosis about 4 years ago (6 months, or less, they said). She decided to get everything ready to die - which we did. Then once it was all done she decided she might as well keep living. Go figure.
Mom left me and Dad when I was 11 years old. She had never been quite mentally stable - consistent struggles with depression and anger. Her mother abandoned her when she was a baby and she never quite got over that. Her mother was not a stable person either.
It's hard to know, emotionally, just how to feel about my mom. She wasn't a bad mom at all when she was around. She was actually pretty good at it; I really don't have any bad memories of my childhood relationship with my mother (other than that she was a yeller). But she just wasn't there during so many times that I needed her that the bond really did suffer. I cried myself to sleep so many nights as a teenager - really needing a mom. I know she would liked to have been there - and perhaps would have given anything she had at that point to be there - but the fact remains that due to choices and circumstances she just wasn't there.
I'm not sure which of us felt more pain in that situation - me or her. I know that now, as a mom, I would be devastated to be kept away from my daughters when they needed me, even if I had made bad choices.
I think I'll continue the saga of mom's visit over the next few days. I felt so many different emotions over the past week- joy, pride, sorrow, anger, frustration, confusion, laughter...
It will be interesting to sort through it all!
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Yep! Moms are important! :o) I hope it was a good visit...for both of you.
ReplyDeleteMom is still mom. Though she is suffering the effects from a terrble disease (diabetes)and the consequences of some poor choices, she still needs our love and care. I'm glad I got to see her again and enjoy some good laughs and conversation. I look forward to heaven, where the laughs and conversations will be enjoyed openly and without hinderences of any kind!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one. I know the awkwardness that comes from that type of relationship, as my own mom had a lot of issues while I was growing up, causing me to be moved in with my grandparents (wonderful people!). She was young, though, and I can't imagine trying to be a mom at the age she was. Now she really tries to do better, and we get along okay when we're together, but we also have our awkward moments.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the awkwardness will never go away - but try to enjoy every moment you can with her. Give her opportunity to try to make up for what she messed up. She won't be here forever, but maybe her time here will be a little happier knowing she came to visit you.
Just my .02 worth. ;)
Thanks, Brooke! I am writing more about mom's visit on my other blog - personal ramblings.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that I am not the only one that sometimes feels "awkward" with my own mother.