Is Alzheimers Really a Valid Excuse for Divorce?

I was floored this morning to read this article on the editorial page of Christianity Today: "Pat Robertson Says Divorce Okay if Spouse Has Alzheimers."

I agree that Alzheimers is one of the most difficult of diseases. It is a diagnosis that is, perhaps, even harder on the family than it is on the patient. One friend recently shared with me, "We've always dreamed of these years in our lives when we would just sit on the porch together and talk about the memories of the kids and our lives together. Now we do sit on the porch together...but only one of us has the memories. It's a lonely feeling. There is no one to share the memories with."

Heartbreaking? Absolutely! I have often wondered how I would respond if something happened to my husband, Shawn, and he was no longer able to be the man I married. A car accident could leave him a paraplegic in a moment. A disease could ravage his body. Not only would I be without the "man I married" but I would have the added responsibilities of taking care of him day in and day out with very little promise, if any, of him being able to meet my needs in return. How would I react? Could I do it? How would I handle the loneliness? Would I resent the time, energy, and effort to care for him? Would I become bitter because I was "missing out on life" by taking care of someone who would never be able to do one thing for me? Tough questions about my commitment and my very character.

This gets me thinking...as a Christian (someone who lives under the Lordship of Christ) when I came to Jesus he looked directly at me through his Word and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." What does it look like to live that out in relation to these questions above?

We tend to think about "taking up our cross" and "denying ourselves" as one big spiritual sacrifice that we make, then we're done with...like giving our car to a needy family or running into a burning building to rescue a child.

But, in reality, denying ourselves and taking up our cross is something that we do every day. It is a thousand little sacrifices, a lifetime of unnoticed acts, which cumulatively become huge. It's a man who loves his paralyzed wife for forty years by saying no to his sexual desires daily and dumping her bag of urine three times a day because he loves her as Christ loves the Church. It is a woman who never gets a full nights sleep because she gets up six times a night to reassure a frightened husband that he is alright - a husband who hasn't recognized her for years and hasn't spoken a kind word to her in months due to the loss of his mental faculties.

We have somewhere gotten the idea that the goal of marriage is our own personal fulfillment and when marriage no longer gives us personal satisfaction it is okay to abandon our vows of "better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health."

Think with me for just a minute....what if God's design for marriage was less about meeting my needs and more about being a reflection of His relationship with humankind? What if, as Paul said, the husband loves his wife as Christ loves the Church? What if Jesus loved the Church in the way that Mr. Robertson espouses in this article...abandoning us when we no longer fulfill His needs? That sounds unthinkable....and yet this is played out in our Christian homes far too often.

Taking up our cross daily and denying ourselves is not just about the person who dies in the coliseum in one triumphant hour torn apart by lions because he refused to deny Christ. It is about the daily choices I make in each part of my life...including my marriage. "Lord, please strengthen and empower me to be just that kind of person. I can't do it on my own."

On a side note - The Bible also talks to us about "bearing one anothers burdens." Mr. Robertson does make a very important point about the need for companionship. The frustration that I feel at his statement should also prompt me to offer true friendship and regular fellowship to those spouses who have, for all intents and purposes, 'lost' their spouse in this way. Their road is a lonely and often a long one - let's make sure that they have companionship of another kind so their burden is not too much to bear by themselves.

Is the Haiti earthquake God's judgment?

A friend of mine wrote and asked me what my take is on the statements being made about the earthquake in Haiti being God's judgment for sin. Is it good theology or not?


Well...the answer is "yes" and "no."

Support for the "yes, it is good theology to say that God uses catastrophes to judge nations, cities, and individuals for their sin" is found throughout Scripture. Common examples would include Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, and the judgment on Israel after David's census. The prophetic books consist of chapter after chapter detailing God's chastisement on nations for their national sins. Even in the New Testament we read of promised judgment on "Babylon" in the book of Revelation. After all, the main writer of the New Testament made this bold statement: "The wages of sin IS death"...all the time, every time. One really cannot come away from a thorough reading of Scripture and doubt that it is a good understanding of the nature of God that He is the Ultimate Judge of sin and that when His judgment falls it is swift and sure.

SO....all that said...is Pat Robertson right? Was the earthquake and devastation in Haiti the direct result of their national sin of voodooism? Well, it very well could be.

However, there is also much Scriptural support for the "No, it is bad theology to say that catastrophe is the result of God's judgment." There is an entire book in the Bible that backs up this claim: The Book of Job. Remember Job's friends? Their theological understanding was actually quite right. God does punish sin. However, their application of that theology was quite wrong. God does punish sin...but He was not punishing Job. There was more to the story that had not yet been revealed.

Jesus actually answered this question for us in Luke 13:1-5. As He was teaching, men came to him and asked about a current news event: Pilate had some worshipers slaughtered right in the Temple courts. "What do you think about this, Jesus?" Jesus' response was to bring up another natural event (the decay of some towers that had fallen and crushed 18 men) and then to use both of the current events to drive home this Truth: "Do not suppose that these men were greater sinners because of their fate. No, listen to Me on this point: Unless you repent, you will all perish just like they did."

Note that Jesus did not say that the men who died were not sinners. He simply said they were not GREATER sinners than anyone else standing there that day. I believe there are a few principles we can draw from the way Jesus responded to these two tragedies of His day:

1. Great suffering does not necessarily equate with great sinning. Be careful not to confuse the two. Gold is cast into the fire to be purified just the same as chaff is cast in to be consumed.
2. Do not make use of current events to criticize those who are suffering, as if their sin is any worse than your own.
3. Tragedy should cause us to examine our own need for repentance.
4. Our place is to preach Truth (which includes that the wages of sin is death) and to leave the judgment in the hands of the Judge. Remember, God's harshest words in the book of Job were reserved for Job's friends who had good theology but bad application.

So...was it God's judgment on sin? Well, sure. All of the negative effects that come from living in a fallen world are the results of sin. I doubt, however, that the sins of those Haitians were any more despicable in the eyes of God than my own sins. I deserve judgment just as much as they did...and without repentance my judgment is just as sure.

Let's remember that there are parts of the Great Story we have not yet read. Watch the news, pray for the suffering, do what we can to ease that suffering....and look into our own hearts because, as Jesus said, "unless you repent, you will all likewise perish." (Luke 13: 5)